Sunday, February 9, 2014

Waiting for Changes

It came to me while we were travelling down a country road, that there isn't much time for me to really think at the moment, to gather my thoughts

To be honest we're currently coping from hour to hour. 

Just when you're feeling things are going well, Boom! 
Something else arises to test your patience and sanity.  

It's emotionally and physically taking it's toll,
and last night it invaded my sleep...our only sanctuary we had left.

I'm carrying incredible guilt with me everyday, guilt for not keeping my patience, guilt for shouting, guilt for the children who are caught in the middle, who ask me in their innocent voices "why are you mad at me mum?" or "it's okay mum, do you need a hug?"
I'm sorry kids....really I am, I'm trying...we both are

I search for answers, glimmers of hope to grasp hold of or a phone call that might promise a way out of this groundhog day.

 None of us could have fore seen this.
We've tried all that we can.  But now it's time to accept the help that's been a long time coming, and about time, because we are breaking.  
 I had a interesting life growing up, to put it mildly...a lot of heartache and worrying for my mum and my brother....but I now know as a mother, it's something else watching your child go through emotional pain and anguish every few minutes and at such a young age.
The guilt and worry I held for them, I learned to let go of years ago, and it was life changing, a relief!  Afterall it was their life and by that time I had my own family to look after and worry about.

  But tell me, how do you let go of it when its your own child? 
We're trying to be proactive, we really are, even though somedays I could just crawl back into bed.

And both Mike and I have changed so many things in our lives, there's homeschooling, yoga, meditation to name a few.
And today making a point of getting out and about down to a local beach.


We're trying to keep active and busy as a family, giving our children some joy amongst the angst that we are all feeling.
 Trying our best to enjoy the small moments....enjoying the calm before the storm.

Hoping every child will join in on the fun, let themselves be free from the burden they are carrying and if we're lucky, we see a beautiful smile that seldom makes an appearance these days.

 We're trying our best to treasure these moments, because, and I remind myself, this will not always be this way, change is coming, change that is good for everyone, and big smiles and laughs will one day outweigh the tears and sadness....One day.


Miriam said...Best Blogger Tips

Oh Laura sounds like a super tough season. Remember you aren't writing the story of their lives. You can release that burden and just do what you can. Praying for you xxx

Bron said...Best Blogger Tips

They are gorgeous pics....hopefully just the distraction you sound like you needed. Hope all is ok and that change coming is a good one x

Juliet @ Tartankiwi said...Best Blogger Tips

Oh Laura, it breaks my heart reading this. I wish that there was something that I could do to help. Hoping that you get the help that you so desperately need as soon as possible!
Hugs xox

Leonie said...Best Blogger Tips

Heart-wrenching reading this Laura - So hope the help and change you need comes soon and that in the meantime you find the strength and courage to cope as best you can. Wishing there was something we could do to help and to make you all feel better - will keep you in our thoughts and hearts xx

Susan C. said...Best Blogger Tips

Oh dear , I know that stress and the hard work in just placing one foot in front of another.
This is why you have to remember when the plane goes down, you have to put YOUR oxygen mask on first, then assist the children.
As someone who has survived can I tell you to hang on, just hang on somehow, help is coming and that is great. Somehow you will make through, initial days are the WORST, it does get better even just through practice. Each day will see you get closer to a better day, oh I wish I could make you a cuppa and let you vent and de stress it sometimes helps just to share the grief. You are amazing and your family does love you and need you , you will make it through, you have what it takes even you don't know it yet but one day you will be so proud of what you have achieved. If it helps here is a virtual hug and a cuppa and piece of cake. A LARGE piece of cake. (((((((((( hug)))))))))))

BigLittle said...Best Blogger Tips

Hi Laura, am going to send you an email rather than writing here, but wishing you some strength and calm. L xx

Cat said...Best Blogger Tips

I know we have corresponded personally but I want to say it again and again
ANYTHING we can do - let us know
Yoga is amazing hey !! !! !!
Love you xx

Max said...Best Blogger Tips

Oh no, i'm so sorry to hear this Laura. Keep on keepin on lovely xxx

Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips

What a challenging and intense time for you all. Thanks for being so real here and I truly hope you find strength in the little things each and every day. One foot in front of the other. Much love and bestest of wishes xoxo

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